Chamo: Royal Rescue
by The Mighty Milkbone
Summary: Chamo takes control of Negima grand finale! Alternate Universe! Parody Fiction!


**Disclaimer:** The following is a work of parody. The original _Garfield: Royal Rescue_ was written by ShakespeareHemmingway, one of the great literary minds of our time. Negima is the property of Ken Akamatsu. Do not attempt this story while driving. Void in Rhode Island. Not to be taken internally. Side effects may include injuries sustained while laughing, uncontrollable fits of gigglesnorts, and appreciation for badfiction.

* * *

Chamo: Royal Rescue

Chamo was in armchair smoking cigarettes when Konoe Konoemon came with emergency news.

"Chamo it is terrible I have the bad news." Said Konoe Konoemon with crying words.

"Calm down old man or you will have heart attacks, now tell me what is the matter." Said Chamo with rakish charm.

"All is disaster Chamo, World of Magic is collapsing! Kagurazaka Asuna is being used as tool for apocalypse!" Yelled Konoe Konoemon with fearful shaking.

"WHAT." Said Chamo with outrage.

"It is true! Look to sky and see!" Said Konoe Konoemon as he pointed at windows with bony finger.

Chamo rose up and looked outside. Chamo saw visions of Gravekeepers palace upside down, and he saw Ala Alba fighting losing battles with forces of evil.

"Who is responsible." Growled Chamo with fury.

"Cosmo Entelecheia, they have returned with strength of ten thousand. Negi Springfield can not be taking them down." Said Konoe Konoemon with serious lectures.

"This has no pardon. I will help my Bro and rescue damsels and stop foolish plans." Said Chamo with convictions.

"But how will you get there? Gates are destroyed and dimension travel is full of danger." Said Konoe Konoemon with doubts.

"Then good thing danger is full of ME. Real men make Gates with elbow grease." Said Chamo as he tore through universe with manly hands.

Meanwhile Negi Springfield and Fate Averruncus were brawling with fists of power.

"You are too weak to save the worlds Negi-kun. Your plans are lacking mighty ermine muscles." Said Fate Averruncus with arrogant mockery.

"LACK THIS." Roared Negi with shonen strength. Punches and explosions shook the altar of cermonies and the fighters crashed through walls.

"Everyone is depending on me, I can not let them down! But what if I really am needing the help from Chamo? I have made it this far because of his teachings..." Said Negi Springfield with inner turmoil.

Negi Springfield moved with lightning speed and punched ermine level punches, but Fate Averruncus used stone swords of treachery to knock him down.

"You once said you would show me real manhood but all I see here is babies in diapers." Said Fate Averruncus with scorn and twisting of blades.

"_Chamo...where are you." Groaned Negi Springfield with words of mentality._

Meanwhile Chamo stepped to edge of Magic World portal and made ready for jumping.

"This will be one small step for man and one giant leap for man." Said Chamo with references.

"Chamo you are brave but take the care between worlds. You might run into the Devil or vampire fictions." Said Konoe Konoemon with sage advice.

"I fear no sparkly cardboard men." Replied Chamo with confidence.

"Then I have nothing more to tell you. Farewell." Said Konoe Konoemon with righteous fist bump.

"Take five old man while I show evil cowards why not to mess with me." Said Chamo with rogueish grin.

Chamo jumped headlong into heaving void with manly strength and flew past architectures of chaos. Their lines that were not lines made him bored.

Suddenly tentacle horrors blocked his path and spoke words of madness. But Chamo had no use for babblings and tore them in pieces for mid flight sushi snacks.

"Not bad for airline food service." Quipped Chamo with jokes. He flew like furry sonic jet for Magic World entrance.

Meanwhile Sakurazaki Setsuna was having high octane swordfights.

"What is wrong sempai? Can you not handle any DARKNESS?" Purred Tsukuyomi with hacking and slashing.

"Kono-chan stay back!" Yelled Sakurazaki Setsuna as she used her laser blade for blocking.

"Why care about her? Call for someone stronger! You know who I mean!" Yelled Tsukuyomi with fantasies of juicy ermine meat.

"NO. This is my fight." Roared Sakurazaki Setsuna with honor. She lunged at Tsukuyomi with sword beams and ignored how sounds of Chamo's name made her tingle. Then a black loli combo move drove her to kneeling.

"CALL HIM." Howled Tsukuyomi with insanity.

Meanwhile Magic World ships in skies were being run over by flying demons. Soldiers despaired for cold release of death. But then their sensors started picking up godlike energies.

"This is..." Said Kurt Gödel with dawning realization.

"HE IS HERE." Cried Takahata T. Takamichi with excited face.

"...Thank you for flying the unfriendly skies." Said Chamo with dramatic entrance.

Chamo burst into Magic World with clap like thunder and shot into demon ranks using ermine martial arts. He chopped monstrous necks with easiness and threw enemies into Gravekeeper palace like guided missiles.

"You are working too hard and it is time for paid vacation." Said Chamo while grabbing final demon by horns.

"Have a nice trip, see you next fall." Joked Chamo as he threw demon to earth with meteor move.

Joyous cheers burst from ships in support of Magic World hero. Chamo nodded thanks and streaked toward palace, where he saw bursting of terrible power.

Tsukuyomi raised her sword for killing strike, but was locked in submission hold by manly arms of justice.

"Good little girls should not play with sharp objects. Surrender and we will be having much better fun." Said Chamo with easy flirting as he crushed Hina blade. Tsukuyomi turned red and fainted with smiles as darkness left her.

"Chamo your here!" Yelled Konoe Konoka with happiness and ran in for healing duties. Sakurazaki Setsuna smiled with relief.

"Oh thank you Chamo! We have to repay you for your help somehow." Said Konoe Konoka with naughty intentions.

"You will have plenty of time for repaying later, sweet thing. For now I have to handle the big bosses first." Said Chamo with devil may care expression.

Chamo flew to ruined palace altar with unstoppable purpose but saw tragedy as magic beams cut through Negi Springfield and Fate Averruncus. They fell down like dead men.

"BRO NOOOOO." Howled Chamo with grief and shaking hands.

"HA HA HA HA HA you are TOO LATE." Boomed booming voice from far side of altar.

"Show yourself coward." Hissed Chamo with chill of hatred.

Lifemaker, Mage of Beginnings, appeared from shadows. It made gestures of command and its strongest pawns returned with evil poses.

"Chamo I have heard of your heroic legend, you are peerless warrior and master of erotic arts, but do not think that will save this world OR the Twilight Imperial Princess." Said Lifemaker with haughty scorn.

"I do not think. I KNOW. I am Professor of victory and class is always in session." Said Chamo with countering.

"Then face my minions if you dare." Said Lifemaker with threats.

"I am looking for fighting and revenge, not light breakfast." Snorted Chamo with dismissal.

"These puppets are not like demons outside. Do you truly wish for battle against so many, puny creature?" Said Lifemaker with faintest hints of fear at Chamos rugged glare.

"Try me." Growled Chamo. Then he rushed at puppet minions, crushing head of Secundum Averruncus and using body as orchestral instrument of pain. Minions cratered floor with each swing.

Lifemaker backed away as Chamo finished and advanced with menacing steps. It fired strongest attacks in haste but Chamos mighty muscles deflected them with virtue. He waded through rivers of death without stopping.

"BUT I AM GOD OF WORLD, HOW CAN THIS BE? I AM GOD!" Screamed Lifemaker with cliches.

"Then forgive me, for I know what I do." Said Chamo with finality, and he threw strongest punch through heart of his enemy.

Lifemaker fell, and its hood came loose for surprise twist.

"TITE KUBO?!" Yelled Chamo with disbelief.

"T-tell them...I did it...for lulz..." Whispered Tite Kubo with dying words, and his soul returned to alternate Japans to make lots of money and love life. Chamo held moment of silence in respect for expert trolling.

When shock of revelation had passed, Chamo turned and ran to check on Negi Springfield. His Bro was alive but unconscious from black magic healing.

Chamo picked Negi Springfield up with one arm and looked at Fate Averruncus who was also alive.

"Do not bother to save me. I agreed to work with Negi-kun, but learning true identity of creator gives me crushing despair." Said Fate Averruncus with existential crisis.

"Suit yourself." Said Chamo with tone of not caring.

Chamo then went to where Kagurazaka Asuna was captured. Class 3-A crowded him with joy and hope but all he saw was beautiful princess. Chamo broke tree barrier with lazy punch and caught Kagurazaka Asuna with arms.

"Chamo...you and Negi came for me. I had so many dreams of your manly embrace." Said Kagurazaka Asuna with awakening.

"Reality with me is better than dreams, but only if we save it. Magic World needs you." Replied Chamo with warm words.

Kagurazaka Asuna rose and sang songs of healing to Magic World. All corners of earth echoed with sounds of blooming love for mighty ermine hero. Later at Ostia awards ceremonies Chamo had more decoration than anyone and Negi Springfield looked at him with brotherly admiration. And that night entire city heard sounds of lovemaking as Chamo received final reward from 3-A students.

The end...?

* * *

**Author's Notes:**

...

I think I'm...gonna go sleep in the fetal position for a while.

Thanks for reading.


End file.
